,

My boyfriend and I were asked to be on ABC’s The View to talk about our experience on TLC’s Virgin Diaries. Given the fact that I (Lindsey Isham), am a 33-year-old virgin and the fact that Jon (Jon Graves) is a widower, they wanted to know why we were saving sex until marriage.

We believe sex is sacred and holy and we are both waiting to have sex (until we get married) because God says to and we trust that He will continue to bless us for waiting. God has already blessed us and our relationship in so many ways that you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

There is more to marriage than sex, although that is one perk I am personally looking forward to, it should not be the foundation of our relationship. Bottom-line, I have want to leave a legacy that hopefully encourages people to trust God and experience the full reward that He has planned for those who love Him.

 

Lindsey Nicole Isham is a national speaker and author of the book No Sex in the City, the brutally honest and often hilarious story of Lindsey’s quest for sexual purity in the face of a sexually-saturated society. Lindsey is a 33-year-old relationship guru, the ultimate girly-girl, and a PR junky. Read more about her at lindseyisham.com, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

 

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Many of us go from one date or dating relationship to the next. We tend to date the same type of person and yet, we expect a different result. Maybe you are getting the same unfortunate ending because you too have believed certain myths about dating. If you can relate with this, or if you want to make sure you have a healthy dating relationship, then this article is for you.

Here are three dating myths that need to be debunked so your next romantic relationship can actually thrive.

Dating Myth#1: Happiness should be the ultimate goal.

Real life can be messy, uncomfortable and down right unpleasant at times. If you are looking for a relationship where you are constantly “happy,” you will be looking for something that doesn’t exist.

When you choose to really invest in someone and make yourself vulnerable with them, you open your heart to hurt. I am not suggesting you look for a relationship where you aren’t happy to be in, just have realistic expectations.

If you are looking to find the love of your life, the one you want to marry, realize that you will also find another imperfect person, who at times will annoy you, hurt your feelings, and probably leave the toilet seat up.

The real goal of dating relationships should be to find someone who you can picture spending the rest of your life with. Someone who, just by being who they are, will continue to inspire you to be loving, selfless, and inspire you to do great things and leave a legacy worth remembering.

Dating Myth#2: You can “fall” in love.

If you believe that you can “fall” in love then you probably also believe that you can “fall” out of love. Personally, I hate this phrase.

Why should love, one of the most impactful, meaningful experiences we have on earth, be something that we handle with clumsy habits? Tripping and falling are things people do when they aren’t paying attention.

The kind of love that is worthwhile will be a journey, intentional, and sometimes out of our comfort zone… but that’s exactly what makes love something that we ought to pursue and be wholeheartedly.

People who “fall” out of love, either never really loved in the first place, or decided at one point to stop loving. This is a harsh reality I know, but instead of cheapening love or lowering it to some haphazard experience, instead cherish it, value it, and never stop loving.

When you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, always seek to treat them with the same kind of love and affection that you did when you first felt those feelings.

Dating Myth#3: True love doesn’t exist.

Some people think that finding someone you can spend the rest of your life with only exists in fairy tales, but this is a MYTH. Love, true love, really exists. Sometimes we are too blinded by our hurts, shortcomings, and insecurities to really believe that we could be loved and fully love by someone “until death do us part,” but this love really exist.

Let yourself love and be loved, you won’t be able to control where it takes you, but it will make you a better person in the end.

 

Lindsey Nicole Isham is a national speaker and author of the book No Sex in the City, the brutally honest and often hilarious story of Lindsey’s quest for sexual purity in the face of a sexually-saturated society. Lindsey is a 33-year-old relationship guru, the ultimate girly-girl, and a PR junky. Read more about her at lindseyisham.com, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

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One of the best things a family can do together is play together. If you haven’t done this in awhile, or if you have never done this, it might be awkward at first.

Some of your family members might even temporarily HATE you for making them spend time together, but they desperately need that time with you.

Today’s family is so busy running from one soccer practice to the next that they hardly spend any quality time together. And since the average 9-year-old has a cell phone, although your family may all be in the same room at the same time, you might not be experiencing quality communication and bonding.

My suggestion, turn off all of the phone, computers, etc. and get outside and enjoy the fact that we live in San Diego.

My challenge to you is this:

Today, spend a couple hours with your family outside doing something that doesn’t cost anything (aside from gas money to get there).

Drive to a beach and look for sea shells, go for a walk, ride your bikes and scooters, throw a ball, go for an adventure, a night hike, play a game of Wiffle baseball at a park, or street tennis.

If you haven’t been active like this, you will all be a little tired and hungry, so to avoid fights breaking out in the afternoon, make sure everyone has had enough to eat and a nap if needed.

Start building in “old fashioned” play time with your kids, talk to them, encourage them, and you will see something really great happen in your family and even in you.

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Most guys don’t really understand why Valentine’s Day is such a big deal to women, which is fine, unless you like the woman you are with…

Consider these fun and creative gift ideas as an alternate to the usual card and chocolate routine.

Women tend to thrive off of romantic gestures and I am going to help you figure out how to make a lasting impression with your Valentine’s Day gift this year.

First let me clarify what is considered “romantic.” When a guy is thoughtful, kind, sensitive, and loving towards the woman he loves, that is romantic.

For example, when he makes sure to walk on the part of the sidewalk that is closest to the street. When he opens her car door, or remembers to ask about deadlines and projects she mentioned she was working on, etc.

A Valentine’s Day date naturally raises the expectation, but take my advice and your relationship will be better for it.

Regardless of what you get her, be sure to personalize your gift and be creative.

#1 Jewelry

If you plan to get your girlfriend/wife jewelry, add a personal touch to it by engraving her nick-name or an endearing phrase into the jewelry.

I don’t recommend buying jewelry unless the relationship has been going for awhile; giving jewelry too soon can send mix messages to a woman.

#2 Make her a gift bag

Does she like to pamper herself? Get a nice looking basket/bag and fill it with bath salts, lotions, nail polish, and anything else you have noticed that she really loves to do to spoil herself. You could even through in a gift certificate to a day spa for a massage.

Does she love to cook? Buy her a new cookbook, hot pads, aprons and a few fun dessert mixes. (Crate & Barrel or Williams-Sonoma have a lot of options for something like this). Be careful with this one, don’t buy her things that YOU want her to cook for you…

#3 Write her a poem and make her a CD

Women love to know what men are thinking and WHY he likes her. Write a short poem or paragraph telling your woman what she means to you and put together a few various kinds of candy (in a gift box) that mirror your writings.

For example, if you write, “I love how you make me laugh,” then include Laffy Taffy in the gift package and tape a note on it that says, “Thanks for always making me laugh.”

Here is a list of a few various kinds of candy to help get you started.

Another thing to add to this gift is a personalized CD (that you make for her) comprised of songs that she loves and songs that remind you of her.

Bonus Idea:

The majority of women LOVE flowers, so be sure to buy her some in addition to the gift you pick. But instead of just showing up with the flowers when you pick her up for your date, send them to her in the morning with a sweet note letting her know that you are excited to see her later.

If you especially want to impress her, leave them on her door-step (so she sees them before she goes to work) or have them delivered to her office.

**Costco is a GREAT place to both pre-order and deliver your flowers (at an amazingly low price) or you can even pick them up yourself**

Basically, all you need to do is figure out what she likes and get crazy with it! If you aren’t sure what she likes, check out her Facebook or Pinterest page, or ask her best-friend.

Lindsey Nicole Isham is a national speaker and author of the book No Sex in the City, the brutally honest and often hilarious story of Lindsey’s quest for sexual purity in the face of a sexually-saturated society. Lindsey is a 32-year-old relationship guru, the ultimate girly-girl, and a PR junky. Read more about her at lindseyisham.com, or follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

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Dates don’t have to be elaborate or expensive in order to make a positive impression on a woman, but they do have to be creative and personal. In this article I will give you three  “Rainy Day Date” ideas around San Diego so you can plan a romantic date with your sweetie the next time it rains.
sweetie

#1 Go to a playhouse

Women like to dress up and feel beautiful, they also like to be warm too. So when planning your date (either for an indoor or outdoor playhouse) make sure to prepare your date for the weather. You don’t want her to be so cold that all she can think about is going home and putting on her fleece pj’s. While at the playhouse, take the time to celebrate the fact that you don’t have to come up with an engaging conversation. Sit back and enjoy the show.

A few local playhouses that I recommend: Old Globe, Lyceum Theatre, La Jolla Playhouse
sweetie

#2 Dine at C Level

Because the sound and ambiance of the rain is naturally romantic, go somewhere where you can hear it (without getting wet). Both the indoor and outdoor seating sections are cozy, and the outdoor section has both heat lamps and fireplaces to further enhance tone of your date.

One more thing, C Level usually offers coupons online that can help you save a few dollars.
My favorite thing to order is the Kemo Sabe Nut-Crusted Brie, and the Skirts on Fire Steak Salad.
sweetie

#3 Find a quaint bistro that has a fireplace, hot cocoa, and possibly board games

Sometimes the casual dates can be as equally endearing as the fancy dates. Grab your girl and take her to your favorite coffee or dessert shop, sip warm libations, talk, and maybe even play a card game. Life is too short to be so serious, mix it up and I guarantee that by the end of your evening, your date will have more reasons to admire you.

A few quaint spots I like: Pannikin Coffee & Tea, La Jolla’s Living Room Coffeehouse

 

 

Lindsey Nicole Isham is a national speaker and author of the book No Sex in the City, the brutally honest and often hilarious story of Lindsey’s quest for sexual purity in the face of a sexually-saturated society. Lindsey is a thirty-two year old relationship guru, the ultimate girly-girl, and a PR junky.

To find out more about Lindsey Isham, visit: www.lindseyisham.com, or follow her on Facebook: facebook.com/lindsey.isham and Twitter: @lindsey_isham.

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Facebook is supposed to be something fun; a way to connect with people you haven’t seen in awhile… but for many couples, Facebook is tearing apart their relationship.

Status Update: “In a Relationship”

Usually the fact that you are now in a relationship is a good thing… but what if the person you are in a relationship with doesn’t want that information to be public? Some people feel that if you don’t announce your new romantic relationship to the world via Facebook then there is something wrong with you.

The overly analytical types start to wonder, why you won’t change your status to “In a Relationship.” Are you not proud of me? Are you committed to our relationship? Are you having second thoughts? Are you cheating on me? Are you embarrassed by us, and our relationship?

If you are supportive of updating your relationships status, how long do you need to be in a relationship before you update your status? What kind of communication needs to happen in order to do so? Who makes all these unwritten rules anyway?

Comments From the Opposite Sex

As if the above thoughts aren’t enough to be concerned with, there are more. What if you are dating a guy whose wall is covered with gorgeous women who have left comments for him, asked him questions, or have asked him out? What do you do? What should he do?

“Friending” Exes

Who is it okay to be “friends” with on Facebook? If you are married or in a relationship, is it okay to have “friends” of the opposite sex? Husbands, what if women (who you don’t know) send you a “friend request,” should you accept it or reject it? What if an ex (who you know is probably still in love with you – or maybe isn’t) sends you a “friend request,” should you accept or reject the friendship? What if they write on your wall, comment on your pictures and posts, should you keep the comments or erase them? What if your exes send you personal messages, and start asking personal questions?

Although the Bible was written years ago I think it has a lot to say about Facebook and how to handle these types of situations. Most of the above concerns can be resolved with three easy words: Love, Honor, & Trust.

Love: If you really care for someone, you will not insist on your own way. (I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Honor:
Your status, updates, friends, accepted comments, friend invitations, etc. should always honor God and the other person. If you are truly honoring the other person, you will remove any flirtatious, sensual, suggestive images, and comments from your page and you will refrain from posting such things on other pages. (Job 40:10, Proverbs 3:35, Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 20:3, Proverbs 21:21, Proverbs 29:23, John 12:26, Romans 1:28, Philippians 4:8, I Peter 3:7)

Trust: If you are dating or married to someone you cannot trust, or if their actions are making it harder to give them the benefit of the doubt, talk to them. If your Facebook page in any way gives room for others to question your level of commitment to that relationship, avoid it. Pray about it. Trust God first. Ask Him to guide you. ( I Corinthians 13:4-8)

Relationships are hard enough as it is; don’t argue about the petty stuff like relationship status on Facebook, but don’t allow your Facebook page to be an open invitation to temptation and other sins either… because if you don’t put up any boundaries, odds are your relationship will either end or suffer greatly.

For more information about about being sexy, sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
Buy the Book!

No Sex in the City
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Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com
facebook: lindsey.isham
twitter: lindsey_isham

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Have you ever been on a date without knowing you were on a DATE?

It is always interesting when a guy asks you to spend time with him (because most guys are vague about their intentions). Their vagueness is probably because they think that if they say, “would you like to go on a date with me?” we will say, “Ew, gross; why would I ever go on a date with you!”

Fear, rejection, the unknown, and stereotype that all women are “Man-Eaters” makes dating a little confusing sometimes.

When I was in high school and a guy said, “Do you want to hang out sometime?” I ALWAYS assumed we were friends. Friends “hang out” romantic interests go on dates.

Of course I understand it is hard to ask a girl out on a date!  But wouldn’t you rather ask a girl out on a date than take her on a date without her knowing it was a date? Especially if you have a great time… wouldn’t you feel better knowing she was interested too… and NOT just thinking you were her FRIEND!

It was my junior year in high school and I spent the majority of my time golfing. I was trying to earn a scholarship to college and since I didn’t learn how to play until I was fourteen, I had a lot of catching up to do.

In the off-season I decided to learn karate; I thought it would help with my balance, posture, and core… that and I thought it would be really cool to break boards with my bare hands!

There was a guy in the class who I found out went to my school. He was a little shy or socially awkward, anyway, I kind of felt sorry for him because he didn’t seem to have too many friends.

One day after class he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him… I thought of it as an opportunity to show him more of Jesus. When he called to confirm he mentioned something about Red Robin so we met there.

He randomly told me that his mom hates Christians, not exactly the way I saw the conversation going… and this was before I shared my faith with him.

While we were at dinner, I made conversation and tried to make him feel less awkward, but I soon found out that he didn’t think we were “just friends.”

As the server came to the table take our order, my “friend” said something to the waiter along the lines of “and my date would like…”  WHAT DID HE SAY? Whoa, I didn’t know we were on a date; he never said it was a date.

My head started spinning.

Now what? Now I have to have a conversation with him at some point to let him know that I did NOT think we were on a date; I thought we were just friends…oh boy.

No big deal. No one knows we are here or that my “friend” thinks we are on a date… and then this bad non-date date got worse.

He began to talk about how he loves to do magic tricks and he asked if I want to see some. I thought it would be a good diversion to my thoughts so he pulled out his cards.

I thought it would just be a simple, “pick this card and I will tell you which card you have” kind of trick… oh but it wasn’t.

He pulled out cards alright, but he decided he needed an audience.  During one of his card tricks (yes I said one… he did card tricks until the bill arrived) there were at least 6 servers surrounding our table and drawing attention to us.

I learned a lot from that non-date date. I learned that it is hard for guys to ask a girl out. I learned that when guys ask, “Do you want to hang out sometime” to clarify and ask if they are asking me to go on a date. If not, it it’s okay, but I think I deserve to know their intentions. I also learned to encourage guys as often as I can; they have insecurities too and it doesn’t hurt to give them an occasional encouragement boost.

For more information about about being sexy, sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
Buy the Book!

No Sex in the City
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Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com
facebook.com/lindsey.isham
twitter.com/lindsey_isham

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Who picks the restaurant? How much is it appropriate to spend? If you’re not paying, what do you order? Is it OK to use a coupon?

_______________________

Q: Who should pick the restaurant?
A: The man.

The man is the leader/pursuer so in his attempt to pursue he is also trying to impress the woman. One way he impresses her is by making a plan and taking the responsibility to take the initiative.

The man should set the mood for the evening. The place he chooses to eat will show his thoughtfulness and hopefully he picks a place that is quiet enough that you can have a good conversation.

The man should determine how much money he wants to spend. By deciding on the restaurant/evening’s activities he ought to be working within his dating budget and only he knows what that is.

——————————————-

Q: How much should the man spend on the first date?
A: Whatever he feels comfortable spending.

Since the man is planning his date based on his finances, it is up to him how much he chooses to spend. The first date doesn’t need to be elaborate, but don’t be cheap either.

A general rule of thumb is this, if a man asks a woman on a date, then he should pay for her.

Ladies- If a man asks you to dinner, movie, or a play and you think it is too expensive, keep that to yourself.  If he wants to spoil you, don’t ruin the night by harping on how much everything costs. Never insist on expensive places of course, but be grateful and appreciative when they are offered. A simple “Thank you” said with a smile goes a long way.

————————————————-

Q: If you’re not paying, what do you order?
A: Something less expensive than your date’s meal.

Ladies – Ever been asked out on a date only to arrive at the restaurant to realize it is really expensive? Places like this usually have all the side items listed separately from the main course and a plate with two pieces of cooked carrots costs $10!

An expensive restaurant can be troublesome to some women, especially when we are STARVING! On nights like that I curb my appetite and remind myself that I can have a protein shake when I get home.

Ladies, one thing you can do to feel more comfortable with being in an overly expensive restaurant is to relax. Enjoy the evening, be flexible and gracious with your date(things you should do with every date regardless of where he takes you of course). As you read the menu everything will probably sound amazing, (it always does to me and it gets me excited because I love food!) so use this opportunity to talk to your date about how wonderful everything sounds.

When the “chipper chicken” cost over $24, it’s okay. Look over the menu and pick out a couple of the lower priced items and figure out which ones sound best to you then ask him what sounds good to him.

If your date tells you he is getting the fish, a salad, and a drink, then price your meal appropriately to be less than his. And it  is always a smart decision not to order alcohol on a first date.

You never know what may tempt the other person and it usually makes a better impression to not drink on a first date, that and the drinks usually cost almost as much as a meal.

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Q: Is it okay to use a coupon on a first date?
A: No.

Coupons can be a sign of resourcefulness, but not on a first date. You don’t want to appear cheap and you don’t want your date to think that you only brought her because you had a coupon. Trust me, this is not a good thing.

Save the coupon for a night out with your buddies or once you have dated someone for awhile.  She will appreciate it later, but not on the first date.

**More dating Etiquette tips coming soon**
For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:

~ Buy the Book ~
No Sex in the City
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Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com
www.facebook.com/lindsey.isham
www.twitter.com/lindsey_isham

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The “New American Idol” that I am talking about has nothing to do with the J-Lo or singing…  The “American Idol” I am describing is commonly known as “Dating Relationships.”

Have you ever known a man or woman who -while single- was dedicated to seeking and following God, but about a month into their new relationship they don’t “have time” for God anymore?

Being in a new relationship should be fun and exciting on so many levels, but it should also include God!

Getting to know someone who is new, interesting, attractive, and just plain wonderful… is that such a crime?

No, of course not! But what is not healthy is the complete abandonment of God, self, friends, and family… all for the sake of a new relationship.

Healthy relationships require balance, boundaries, time, and God.

If you cannot balance a new relationship without forgoing all of your other good and godly relationships, then I suggest you either stop dating or seriously re-prioritize your relationships IMMEDIATELY!

Although it can be flattering when the new person you are dating wants to spend all of their free time with you, it can also be harmful.

When I am in a newer dating relationship, I evaluate myself constantly in regards to how I am managing both my new relationship as well as my older ones. I am not perfect and I have definitely been guilty of spending too much time with a new guy, but once I realize it, I make the necessary changes in my life.

How Our Dating Relationships Become our “Idols”:

When in a dating relationship we forgo our time with God to spend time with our new sweetie, our focus has shifted from God to the new person. As this pattern continues, our actions demonstrate how our relationship with this person has trumped our relationship with God, thus this new relationship has suddenly become our idol.

I do not mean that you literally bow down to that person, kiss their feet or the ground they walk on, but metaphorically speaking, and in regards to the matter of the heart, you have put them first- before God- in your priorities.

Your actions: your prayer life, your time spent alone with God, and your obedience to God will show Him where He falls in your order of priorities.

The Bible says we should never put anything before God, but I don’t know anyone who has not been guilty of this sin. In one or more areas of our lives we have wrongly, and sometimes accidentally put God second to something, but that should not justify our actions.

If you find yourself dating a good, godly person, but can’t seem to make time for God, ask yourself, What kind of relationship or marriage thrives apart from God?

Who would want a relationship that is not centered around God anyways?
Make changes in your relationship today to make sure your number one priority is still God!

For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
~ Buy the Book ~
No Sex in the City
by
Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com

http://www.facebook.com/lindsey.isham

http://www.twitter.com/lindsey_isham

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Honestly, I have no idea why ex’s come back into the picture (especially when they know the guy is now dating YOU).

Women who do this are manipulative, selfish, and just plain crazy!

Harsh words I know, but I have seen this over and over (and experienced it several times too)… I start dating a great guy and then suddenly his ex is calling him every five minutes to tell him how much she loves and misses him (even though he has made it perfectly clear that they are never going to date again)!

Here are a tips for all the women who are guilty of doing these things:
Usually when a relationship ends, there are sound reasons for it ending! When a guy tells you that the relationship is over, deal with it.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you?

Stalking a guy by calling, texting, and emailing him day and night are not the ways to win a guy over… When women act crazy like this, guys are more inclined to alert the police than they are to propose.

Sometimes women get crazy thoughts in their head. They think that they will win their ex back and they become mean and stalkerish. But ladies I have to tell you something, this doesn’t work.

Guys don’t want to marry crazy, desperate women who insult, lie, and gossip about them or their current girlfriend!

And I don’t care how many times you call, email or hang out with his mother, this doesn’t help convince him that you are the one for him… it just scares him!

I am convinced that the girls who participate in these crazy stalkerish behaviors are deeply hurt and in their pain they hurt others.

Q: As a woman dating a great guy whose ex is acting like I just described, what do you do?

A: If you are really trusting God to protect you and bless you as you walk uprightly, then continue to glorify Him. Don’t worry about what the ex says about you or to your boyfriend.  God is protecting you, and if that guy is not the one for you and decides to go back with his ex; praise God you found this out sooner rather than later.

To ensure that your life doesn’t mirror the characters on “The Hills,” instead of getting even, pulling her hair out, or trying to turn everyone against her… Pray.

Pray for that girl and your man. Pray for wisdom, love, and kindness to be the fruit that pours out of you. 

Speak the truth in love.

In other words, be a lady, not a game player. Encourage your man to set up healthy boundaries with his ex. With women like this, any form of attention (even when the guy answers the phone upset or irritated), it still gives the girl hope.

The man in this situation needs to be bold, speak the truth in love, establish healthy boundaries, and stick to them. Once he has clearly communicated with his ex that their is no way they are getting back together and he asks her to stop calling, his job is to stick to what he said.  When she calls, texts, or emails, he needs to ignore her.  I am convinced that this is one of the best ways to help an ex-girlfriend go away.

For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:

~ Buy the Book ~
No Sex in the City
by
Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com
http://www.facebook.com/lindsey.isham

http://www.twitter.com/lindsey_isham

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