Ever been interested in a guy who was overly shy?
Ever thought you should ask him out instead of waiting for him to make the first move?
Yeah, me too.
My Freshman year of college there was this shy guy on the basketball team who caught my eye. I played golf , we both had the same classes, tutors, and schedules, so we saw each other a lot.
I couldn’t tell if he liked me (I could never tell when any guy liked me, let alone a shy guy).
He was really sweet, made me laugh, and he was really good looking! One day during study hall I thought, you should just ask him out already. What’s the big deal anyway?
Shy guys need a little help asking girls out.
I thought about asking him out, but in the end I decided not to and here’s why.
I need a man, who, even if he is shy, will take risks and be bold enough to ask me out. I need a confident man. And if God is ever telling a man to ask me out, and for one reason or another the guy doesn’t ask me out, well, that is between him and God.
I need a man who will do something that God tells him to do even when it seems hard, scary, or when it makes him nervous.
Seriously, if a guy doesn’t have enough guts to ask me out, he is not going to be courageous enough to date me and do other adventurous things with me in the future.
The same is true for you.
During my Junior year, that guy who I had a crush on, finally asked me out. He was still shy, but what I didn’t know was that he wasn’t walking with the Lord during my freshman year.
He said he liked me and wanted to date me, but he had the fear of God in him. He and all the other guys knew that I was a woman of God, so he never tried to ask me out.
God has protected me from men (who would try to corrupt me) in a lot of different ways, one of those ways is by telling them not to ask me out.
Just because a guy is shy, it doesn’t mean you need to ask him out.
Let guys pursue you and never settle. All the shy guys I knew in college got asked out by girls all the time, but when they really wanted to date a girl, they would ask her out.
This may sound odd or confusing, but the next time you think you need to ask out a shy guy, wait. Your dateless lifestyle may actually be a blessing right now. Thank God for all the ways He is protecting you and keeping you pure!
Remember this: God doesn’t need your help, but He asks for your love, obedience, and trust.
Coming Soon: “How To Get Asked Out by a Shy Guy”
For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
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No Sex in the City
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Lindsey N. Isham
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11 Comments
Introvert or extrovert is not the question.
Character is everything, be they poor or rich, ugly or handsome, have Charisma or are a Dead-Pan.
I agree, character is soooo important!
You should of asked him out and gotten to know him before jumping to conclusions.
Talking to girls is very hard for many. I assume nobody is interested in me anymore. Having a nice girl come to me asking for a date would really build my confidence.
I am glad I didn’t ask him out… I think it is good to help men pursue women… one way I can help, is by letting them.
Well I am a guy and I have a severe panic disorder. My fear of rejection plus many other fears makes it virtually impossible to ask out a girl. If you girls have such low self-esteem and confidence issues that you can’s ask out a guy well that’s plain sad. You are going to miss out on knowing a great 23 year old guy.
Hi Dave,
Your panic disorder sounds hard to deal with… and I know rejection can be hard to take. But please hear me out, I am not saying girls shouldn’t ask guys out (or that they don’t ask guys out) because they are insecure. I am simply suggesting that they let the guys initiate. Here’s why: Being a man encompasses many things, and being an awesome husband, so many more things. That said, there will be far more difficult tasks that a husband will face than asking a girl to go on a date with him. By practicing doing the hard things and the things that may initially scare him, he will become a better man in the process.
Sincerely,
Lindsey
I really needed to read this. I am very interested in a sweet, shy guy who I have been told likes me. I was SO tempted to ask him out. He came pretty close to asking me out a few weeks ago, and I feel a little annoyed he didn’t ask him. So I considered taking matters into my own hands and asking him. After reading this, I think it is better I wait. I do think that the guy needs to do the pursuing, and set the tone, and speed of the relationship, especially at first.
I have been blessed with the gift of gab, and I am a social butterfly. It’s very difficult for me to sit and wait for him. I am doing my best to keep busy with girlfriends and enjoying every day.
Ah, waiting… isn’t it fun!? ha, ha
Keep me posted on what happens AND what the Lord shows you in the meantime!
Sincerely,
Lindsey
Fear of rejection can definitely be a big factor for even guys who are otherwise fairly confident. Approval is something we all tend to crave from other people constantly.
There’s a reason women are attracted to confident men who don’t even flinch when asking them out, though. Deep down, they want to feel safe and protected! They also want adventure, fun, and humor. But they want to be cared for by a strong man, as well.
We live in a culture of chronic adolescence, especially for boys. Boys don’t really become “men” until much later than used to be the case. So guys tend to need a little help and coaching to build confidence, not only in dating, but in many areas of life.
Guys, follow me on Twitter @DorkDoctorDan for daily tips and inspiring quotes related to men’s confidence! Thanks!
My problem isn’t asking a girl out. It’s the idea that she might think I’m too boring because I don’t go to parties, clubs, or have tons and tons of friends with crazy stories. I live at home while in college and don’t do much besides work, go to school, etc. It would be alot nicer if women weren’t attracted to just excitement. It seems like love these days has been replaced by manipulation, and who has a better way with words.
Women are attracted to a gentleman, a guy who knows how to hold a conversation, someone who is thoughtful, and yes, interesting. Personally, I never thought guys at “parties” were interesting because “partying” wasn’t my thing. Maybe find church groups or social groups/clubs that meet in your city and are comprised of people who like the same things you like. A girl wants to love a man who has a plan, a vision for his life…
What are your goals? What is your vision for your life? What is GOD telling you to do?
Keep me posted on any progress; I will be praying for you.
Sincerely,
Lindsey