Find A Wife… Today!

I meet a lot of men who say they aren’t “ready for marriage just yet.”  This is acceptable if you are still in high school, but at what age should guys become men and start getting serious about finding a wife.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22

The Bible says a wife is a good thing… and what guy doesn’t want favor from the Lord?  Evidently a lot of guys see “favor from the Lord” as a meaningless thing.

I talked with a guy about a month ago and he told me that he is finally ready to start thinking about having a serious relationship and possibly marriage.

Awesome!  I always get excited when I hear guys say this!  Then I asked him how old he was; he looked like he was 24 years old.  He was 28.

28 year old men are just now thinking about marriage… wow, times have changed for sure.

People wonder why women like me are still single… it is because the men our age are only just now thinking about being a man and taking a wife.

Although we would rather have them realize this at age 28 than to never have them realize it at all, but really?  Why did it take them so long to come to this conclusion?

I won’t get on my soap box, but I would like to say this: Women everywhere are praying for men to step up and be MEN. Men, be the kind of man who every woman prays she will one day marry.

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by
Lindsey N. Isham
www.lindseyisham.com

http://www.facebook.com/lindsey.isham

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About Lindsey Isham

Lindsey Isham has been working with singles for over thirteen years and has traveled nationwide, speaking to audiences ranging from junior high girls to collegiate women about relationships and sexual purity.

22 Comments

  • B
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    There is no where in the bible that says a man should marry young. In fact Paul says don’t get married if you don’t have to. Some people marry at 20 and have a fantastic marriage. Some marry at 40 and have an even better experience. Regardless of the age, when a person is ready, that’s the moment they should pursue a woman.

    Not every man that is older than 24 has an aversion to commitment. Rather men, who are 29 might not want to waste a moment ‘dating’ if it’s not right.

    Please stop encouraging unwarranted pressure on men to fall into what society deems appropriate. Instead of referring to ‘women’ everywhere, look in the mirror and admit it’s your frustration and your lofty expectations of men that have you single at this moment in time.

  • Joshua
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    You’re only looking at half the story. Most men wait until they feel they can support a family before they can feel that they’re ready to get married. With the economy being the way it is, it takes longer to be able to support yourself, much less a family.

  • Amy
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    Linds, I love you. Spoken so well. Thank you!

  • August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    Dear “B”,

    I understand what you are saying, but when you look at marriage trends throughout history, women are marrying later today than ever before. This is not my imagination, nor something I am personalizing. I have had plenty of opportunities to marry, none of which I felt was right. Maybe you are saying that you too are in that same boat (plenty of girls you “could” have married, but none that you wanted or felt like God was telling you to marry).

    This article was targeted for men who do not want to accept any type of “adult” responsibility, including those of marrying and settling down. If this is not you, you needn’t be argumentative, right?

    As for your claim about “unwarranted pressure” according to society… well, mainstream society says, “live together and don’t worry about marrying, it’s all the same.” So I am definitely not saying what the majority of society is saying.

    I hope this helps clarify!
    Sincerely,

    Lindsey

  • August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    Joshua,

    You are totally right… I am looking at it from the viewpoint of the majority (if not all) of single women who are of the marrying age. I am not saying there are not good men, great men, godly men out there who are daily seeking God and seeking His will (whether that means to marry or remain single). I have met men like this… but the reason I wrote this is because men like this are few and far between.

    Don’t believe me, start talking to single women and ask them to be honest with you . I know that many of them would agree. Yes, you can do things as a single woman that would be harder to do while married, but most women really just want a man who will love her, marry her, and stay in love with her until the day she dies.

    And as far as the economy goes, even during the depression and other times when our country (and others) were hard hit, men still took wives. Love is not based on finances, and if it is only financial reasons that are keeping you to marry, figure out if your financial goals are both realistic, healthy, and godly. Yes, paying the bills, being debt free, having a job is important, but your life will never be “perfect” and just when you think it is, something happens, and when you get married, the same is true. You will not suddenly have zero concerns about finances, but having a plan is definitely a good thing. I commend you for that.

    Just somethings to consider.
    Sincerely,
    Lindsey

  • Jane
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    I think your article is interesting. Have you forgotten that men mature later in life than women? :-) Trust me; be happy to wait for an older man that is ready to settle down and be faithful to his wife and family. (Maybe even wait for them to pass their Mid-life Crisis, which some men never do.)

    I also have to agree with Joshua and commend him for having the wisdom he does regarding marriage. He’s clearly older and has thought it through. (You cannot live on love alone.)

    Regardless of the depression years and people still getting married then…today is different for many reasons. Aside from that, statistics have shown for decades that the top reason marriages end in divorce is due to financial problems which create other relational ssues in the marriage. (According to my late (retired) Pastor father-in-law, based on counseling thousands of couples in his career and witnessing the outcome. In fact, it was his only personal advice to us when his son and I got engaged.)

    For decades, statistics have also shown that a majority of couples that live together before marriage (who end up getting married to each other later) also end up in divorce.

    Personally, as a Certified Wedding Coordinator, the past 10 years I have witnessed a majority of the new first-time couples being older (in their 30’s.) So both men and women alike are marrying later in life. At this age/stage, they’ve “got it together” and know what they really want in the relationship and what they have to offer the other person, and ready to find the right person to spend a lifetime with.

    Just more things to consider.

  • Roge
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    Jane, I would agree without expect that you inherently assert that wisdom always accompanies age. People at every age particiapte in behaviors and practices that are neither prudent nor beneficial to them. For example, AIDS and STDs are rapidly rising among people aged 59 and older. This owes to a combination of limited and unsafe sex pracices. I think it’s good to encourage people to marry young AND develop good financial habits. Young couples have the advantage of being less resistant to change and compromise. They also learn early on that relationships, and no less marriage, requires commitment, sacrifice and work. They can “get it together,” together. The longer we are single, the more likely it is that our selflish habits, thoughts tendencies become more firmly rooted and unmalleable. I’m 24 and unmarried, but anyone i get involved with now, i ensure it is someone I could marry.

  • Joshua
    August 24, 2010 | Permalink |

    Honestly, I am 17. I have just been fortunate enough to be raised by Christian parents who in a Chirstian environment, and have studied the Bible long and hard. I came to that conclusion about marriage years ago. Of course, I am aware that there are men out there who delay their responsibilities as men, and I don’t deny that. I just believe that the true men are the ones who realize their responsibilities, and trust God to guide him in carrying them out. However, there are right and wrong times, and every man is created differently. Your state of manhood shouldn’t be judged merely on your age at marriage. For everything, there is a time. God has His plan for everyone.

  • michael sayen
    September 7, 2010 | Permalink |

    The reason is the women are looking for two young a men.. they are looking for someone their age.. they are ready to get married but most of the men are not at that age. Men tend to be around 30-40 before they are as serious as most women.. This was the norm for most of the world and most of all the times, till recently.

  • Aaron
    September 15, 2010 | Permalink |

    Hey Lindsey, I honestly don’t think you can blanket an issue like this. I do agree there has been a recent trend in getting married later and later, but I’m not entirely sure that’s all on the guys. Women are more and more into careers these days and take marriage less seriously themselves. From another standpoint, guys tend to mature later, so it could end up being a very good thing for a guy to wait to get married until he feels he’s ready. If he rushes into marriage too early, it could end up in disaster and a broken marriage. But I do agree that men need to step up and be men. I don’t think that has anything to do with how fast we get married though. I think it has more to do with discovering our sense of self and what we find out identity in. Men by nature are not introspective like women. We haven’t a clue what goes on in our hearts and why we do the things we do. There is an underlying drive to “prove” ourselves as men, but we haven’t a clue why. Nor do most guys care to know (which is a problem, and that’s where men need to man-up). We’d rather talk about sports and politics than stop and take a deep look at what’s in our heart. Which is also why most men are not the spiritual leader in the home. Another problem. Ultimately I think God will bring us a wife when the time is right, if we are walking with Him. I just don’t think it’s something that should be rushed to “gain favor” from God, as if we don’t have favor to begin with.

  • September 16, 2010 | Permalink |

    Hey Aaron,

    I agree with you on most things that you said :) I simply wrote this as a challenge to men who say they are Christians, but when it comes to relationships, they act no different than every other guy out there. If you are pursuing the things God has called you to; praying about the timing of relationships, career choices, etc… then this article is NOT for you. But, from my experience (and most women of God feel the exact same way) men like this are truly hard to find.

    Thanks for your input!

    Sincerely,
    Lindsey

  • Brother In Christ
    September 21, 2010 | Permalink |

    This started quite the blog.

    Well here’s my 2 cents. First off. Putting relationships and the rules of engagement into “blanket statement and principles” has always been a weakness of men and women in the church. In seminary they teach you to study the meaning of words by looking at the first time they are used in scriptures. Isaac and rebekah have on of the greatest love stories in the bible.We are told that it was God’s will for Isaac to be married at 40. Also Isaac’s son’ Jacob and Esau were 40. This was in Genesis, in the earliest accounts we have of relationships in the history of mankind. So “times have changed’? Sorry but getting married late is a trend that has come and gone, and re-circumvented.. It seem as though as Christians we love our rules. We love for everything to work out as we plan it so. But that is not the case. Maybe that is the irony in this whole blog. God has taken a 31 yr old Christian woman who is diligently seeking the Lord, and called her to still be single. Maybe there isn’t an equation to love. As far as women being in touch with the desires of their hearts more so than men. that is ridiculous. “the heart is deceitfully wicked, above all things. Who then can understand it.” Men are not called to seek out women, they are called to seek Jesus. There are definitely enough Christian women out there telling men how to behave, But unfortunately, that is not a woman’s role in creation. Though it is wise for a man to yield to a woman’s wisdom, that is why he finds favor from the Lord. “two heads are better than one” Also to other comment, to notion that most Christian men are more interested in sports than romance or love, is a half glass empty attitude. I love me some NFL action, but you put my wife seeking my romantic attention (ahem) during a football game on Sunday afternoon, I’ll turn that tv off quicker than Brett Favre can throw an interception n the 1st quarter. If a man does not understand what it is to be the bride of Christ before he gets married, he will NEVER know how to adore his wife, until he learns how to be loved as a bride of Jesus. If we continue to get this backwards, we will still be a church full of unhappy married couples, seeking fulfillment in each other, instead of that love being an overflow of Love from Jesus. Oh by the way, the comments about good men being hard to find—not true– Just as hollywood has given men unrealistic expectations of women, it had also given women unrealistice expectations of men. I see so many women standing next to a river, complaining of not having spring water. There are plenty of men.. It’s like the israelites wanting meat instead of manna. I know of at least a dozen good-looking single men who love the Lord and are ready to settle down in their mid-20’s. Women in the church just don’t appreciate them cause they’re too busy chasing some mythological creature, A 6ft 3, 260 lb, jersey shore bible yielding, woman worshiping boy toy, who’s life goal is too walk in front of a lady putting rose pedals at her feet. I have news for the world.

    “Girls poop too”

    And I’m spent…..

  • Joseph
    September 22, 2010 | Permalink |

    We the Men of God are in adequate supply. The men that are not stepping up is a blessing. If they aint askin its because they are not ready. Fact. And a woman to challenge his manhood because of this is probably barkin up the wrong tree.( I mean that in the most utterly respectful way)
    If a man walks and talks with Christ he knows his wife, period. It is a deep spiritually supernatural thing thats takes place. There is no doubt. Much like Christ who knows those who are His own before we even truly know it.
    This is my experiance. Having found my wife when God saw fit ,is working like that 3 fold chord. Even in the face of finacial difficulty, we are not easily broken. I have seen marriages fail in these times. Yet we thrive because of Christ Jesus.
    The real problem here is waiting on Gods man to find you or perhaps recongnizing him when he arrives. Many thought the Messiah was coming on a firery chariot to lay claim to His kingdom not this unassuming construction worker ridin a donkey.
    Its easier when God says yes or no ,but wait……people stumble at the waitng….
    If God made you a promise of a husband. Wait for him. Stop trippin. Because if you challenge a dudes manhood. You may find yourself married but I guaruantee in the end youll be another sad statistic if you dont WAIT ON GOD.

    p.s.
    Thanks Lindsay for opportunity to share my opinion
    I do appreciate it!

  • Gabby
    October 4, 2010 | Permalink |

    Lindsey!
    Thanks for your blog, I love it. I’m sorry you always have to keep defending yourself, I wonder if some of the people commenting on here have even read your book, as I have. I love your book so much, it has now been passed around to many of my girl friends! We all say the same thing: the book shows your beautiful heart! I love that you speak the truth in love…you are so honest! :)
    Keep it up girl and I hope we get to meet again one day!
    Many prayers your way,
    Gabby

  • October 13, 2010 | Permalink |

    Aw, thanks Gabby! :)

  • October 13, 2010 | Permalink |

    Hey Joseph,

    I agree. God’s timing is perfect; but I also don’t think it hurts for women everywhere to insist on guys acting like men and refusing to settle for anything less. So I think a woman can wait on God (and her future husband) and also speak the truth in love too!

    I think we are saying the same thing, but I wanted to clarify just in case :)

    Thanks for sharing!
    Sincerely,
    Lindsey

  • October 21, 2010 | Permalink |

    Thanks Lindsey. I see your point now.

  • Joseph
    October 21, 2010 | Permalink |

    Gabby,
    Absolutley no one is beyond reproach but God. To exalt the admittedly talented, well dressed and impressive Lindsey Isham to such a high and lofty place would be foolish. The fact that her book’s principles as well as those in this blog stand up to criticism is really all the merit one deserves. To often our society exalts talent or social standing and even spiritual gifts to the point we should not question them. My great friend has a gift of descernment way beyond normal! Its crazy you wonder if he can read your thoughts! But there are smaller gifts he has yet to attain as I have. A great leader and writer is Lindsey (I know she like star wars) an even bigger ministry and/or co-Pastor (he is coming) at least one day is certain. But beyond question? Come on…….

  • Jon
    January 1, 2011 | Permalink |

    Joseph, I don’t see that Gabby is saying Lindsey is beyond reproach or question (I may have missed an earlier comment). I think she’s just proud that a single woman out there is being more real than some of the more traditional Christian abstinence leaders out there. I know Lindsey very well…she’s one of my closest friends…and know that she both means well and intends to live her life in a way most glorifying to the Lord. She’s not asking to be put on a platform, though. She just wants to be real, and allow God to use what she feels to help other women struggling with the same issues. And she clearly wants to be married.

    From where I stand, and I see her quite a bit, she’s just living by the truth of God’s word, which stands up to anyone and anything.

  • RJ
    January 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’m a still-decent-looking guy, still single at age 35, who has actively sought marriage for 15 years now. At age 25-26 I was engaged for 5.25 months, and learned alot. My faith is Christian, and advocates marriage whether financially surviving or not. Struggling as a means of growing together. I’m paying all my bills on time, but self-employed seems to read as unemployed. I date single moms as it may develop, and still no marriage. I’m baffled.

  • January 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    RJ,

    I totally get where you are coming from… I have a couple of guy friends who are in your same boat. Although I know nothing about you – except for what you wrote above- I cannot say anything really specific about your situation.

    However, I do have one recommendation, if you don’t already have a mentor – a godly man who you meet with on a regular basis who can speak the HONEST truth into your life- I recommend that you find one. Get a guy (preferably a happily married man) who you trust and admire to speak the truth in kindness and see what you both come up with.

    Maybe you have dealt with past issues and don’t have the typical “hang-ups” that most singles do (but refuse to accept), but maybe there is something about the way you approach women or the way women perceive you. And maybe, God wants to do things in AND through you RIGHT NOW that He could not do if you were married.
    P.S. Do you only date single moms? Just curious as to why, if you do.

    Above all else, continue to be the man that Jesus said you should be, and don’t lose sight of God’s role in all of this: Matthew 6:25-34 (Jesus talking)

    “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

    Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.

    But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

    But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ”

    I wish you the best RJ, let me know how things go for you.
    Sincerely,
    Lindsey

  • Anonymous
    September 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    That is a great tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.

    Brief but very accurate information… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read post!

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