I understand it takes guts, courage, and self confidence to ask a girl to go on a date with you. I also understand that many women have treated many men very poorly!
And as a result of girls breaking guys hearts, combined with guys either not knowing how or not wanting to be a gentleman, Christian men either shy away from asking girls on dates, or they ask them out for “coffee.” Call me old fashioned, but chivalry is not dead, nor should it be. And what is it about coffee? Why coffee?
Can I just be honest for a second? I have been asked out on dates more often by non- Christian men than Christian men. As soon as I step foot into a church or Christian setting, guys can barely stand up straight and look me in the eyes and say hello, let alone ask me to go on a date with them. What’s up with that?
And finally after seeing the same guys in church every week for years, they muster enough courage to say, “Would you like to grab coffee sometime?” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate coffee. I don’t drink it, but I don’t have anything against it either! I just don’t understand the phenomenon about asking girls out for “coffee.”
Recently I met this guy through a mutual friend of ours. We chatted on email for awhile, then after about a month, he asked me if I would like to grab coffee. “Coffee.”
So I said, “Sure, I’ll go on a date with you.” And we had a problem! He didn’t think going out for coffee was a date. Sure it is!
I know this is only my opinion, but I think it’s LAME to ask a girl out for coffee. If you want to meet me, let’s go on a date and call it a date. Most likely, if I wouldn’t go on a date with you, I wouldn’t go for “coffee” with you either… Although I know this is one of the arguments for meeting for coffee instead of a date (potentially less rejection for the guy).
If you haven’t met me yet, and you ask me out… it’s a blind date. Why do some guys think that meeting for coffee is somehow not considered a date? So let me get this straight, if I drink something (Ie: we go out for coffee), it’s not a date, but if I have to chew something (Ie: we go out for dinner), then it’s date? Wow, that’s confusing…and weird.
So because I didn’t eat chicken when I spent time with you, it wasn’t a date? This is ridiculous people!
If you are trying to get on my good side to begin with… we should probably eat something when we see each other! I am kinda like a guy in the sense that the way to my heart is through my stomach. I am an eater, and I am usually hungry… so if you are going to ask me to take time out of my day, drive somewhere to meet you, and food isn’t on the agenda… you’ve already got strikes against you… ha, ha!
According to dictionary.com, the word “date” means: a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.
This definition doesn’t say “If you eat chicken and or spaghetti” then it’s a date.
Also, I think it’s cheap of guys to ask girls to coffee verses a date…so, what, you don’t know if I am worth buying dinner for? That’s pretty insulting… save your penny and save your time, ask someone else to join you for “coffee.”
So I hear the excuse: “If on the date, you realize that you don’t like the person, then you are stuck with them for an hour or two.” Hey buddy, get over yourself! Since when is godly dating supposed to be all about you anyways? I have been on plenty of dates where I wasn’t “feelin’ it”, but we had a fun time regardless… lots of laughs, even when I knew I didn’t want another date with him.
If you meet for “coffee” you hang out for 30 min. or more right? If you meet for a “date” you hang out for a hour or so. Big deal. Chalk it up as something fun to tell your grand kids about someday!
Another argument I have heard for the non-date coffee routine is this, “I can tell within the first 60 seconds if I am interested in the girl.” My response: “Okay, so while you were asking her out or mustering the courage to ask her out for “coffee”… did those 60 seconds not count?”
And say, like my instance, you are meeting someone you don’t know… what is wrong with calling it a date? Just call it what it is, it is a date. You are meeting the person to see if there is a romantic chemistry between you… normal people call that a first date.
If the date goes well, ask her out for another one! But this thought leads to another argument for the non-date “coffee” meetings: “There are too many expectations when you ask a woman out on a date.”
Oh my gosh… so if you go out with a girl and you aren’t feelin’ it, tell her, “Thank you for the wonderful night, it was a pleasure meeting you.” Nothing awkward about that. Don’t tell her you will call her, don’t talk about hanging out again, and if you never see her again, she will get the point. I don’t think that’s rude.
If you go on a date with someone who is has the same circle of friends, when you see her again, be cordial and kind, but don’t ever ask her out again. I think that’s pretty clear. It doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable… you both can act like grown ups, right? If you don’t think she will be mature if there is no chemistry, then maybe you should get to know her a little bit better with a group of friends before asking her out on a date.
I could say more on the topic, but I am sure I have said enough to fill up my inbox from guys who disagree with me! Ha, ha!
For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God: Buy the Book:
No Sex in the City
Lindsey N. Isham